♪ Nitty-gritty Mississippi ♪
♪ Who's gonna
♪ love a poor boy?
♪ Nitty-gritty Mississippi ♪
♪ Who's gonna
♪ love a poor boy?
♪ She broke my heart down in Baton Rouge ♪
♪ Down on the Gulf Coast sand ♪
♪ I remember the night when she cuddled me right ♪
♪ It was time to plea my hand ♪
♪ Nitty-gritty Mississippi ♪
♪ Who's gonna
♪ love a poor boy?
♪ Nitty-gritty Mississippi ♪
♪ Who's gonna
♪ love a poor boy?
♪ Too short Saturday on a bayou blue ♪
♪ On a hot Mississippi night ♪
♪ She can make a country boy's
♪ dream come true
♪ says she won't, but you know she might ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ nitty-gritty Mississippi ♪
♪ Who's gonna love a poor boy? ♪
♪ Do lord
♪ do lord, oh do lord, do lord, remember me ♪
♪ Do lord, do lord, do lord, remember me ♪
♪ Way beyond the blue ♪
♪ Do lord
♪ do lord, do lord, do lord, remember me ♪
♪ Do lord, do lord, do lord, remember me ♪
♪ Do lord, oh do lord, oh do remember me ♪
♪ Do lord, oh do lord
♪ do remember me
police! Police! Freeze!
Put your hands up!
Don't move!
On your face, motherfucker!
- Hey, let's go! - Hands behind your back!
Hey! Don't go postal on us!
Billy Raedeen?
How was your weekend?
- Something amuse you, Mr. Raedeen? - No, sir.
You've been caught in the commission of a federal crime,
punishable to the fullest extent of the law.
Do you understand what that means?
- No, but if I could explain... - your arrest record speaks for itself.
It starts at age nine, with car theft.
"Backhoe," sir.
- I keep trying to correct that. - Was it stolen?
No, the keys were in it.
Like the liquor store in '83?
The Buick Skylark in '84?
The K-Mart in '86, the motorcycle in '88,
the pharmacy in '89, not to mention
what looks like dozens of drug possession,
public vagrancy charges,
topped off by breaking and entering
a United States post office last night?
- We did have the keys. - I can vouch for that!
- And we did not steal nothin'. - Nope.
- Who is this man? - We was readin' the mail.
- Quiet! - Step forward.
Me?
Buford Dill? Alias Buford Hill?
Alias...
Meyer Gottnich?
No, no, no, sir.
I was trying to say, "my, I got an itch."
A rectal... Rectal situation, sir.
Quite acute. Got a prescription drug.
- Is this man sober? - As a judge, your honor.
Quiet!
See, your honor, my friend here works as a mail carrier,
and he come across this photo of a bulldog in a wedding dress.
We had a couple of beers,
a couple, and we got curious.
God is my witness, your honor...
It looked like...
The ugliest bride! Every man's nightmare.
My wife come, by the way? Tess?
- Did you call her? - We did, your honor.
And what she say?
- With the court's permission? - And?
She said, "screw him."
Out of 27 arrests between you,
19 have been together, and I'm putting an end to it.
I'm recommending 10-year minimum sentences
in separate facilities
at opposite ends of the state,
any precondition for parole being
that you never see each other again.
You're allowed to make a statement. You have one?
I took care of him all his life.
You've done a piss-poor job of it.
He's a loser, just like you,
who'll never amount to anything more
than a burden to the decent, hardworking taxpayers of this state.
You have anything to say?
Just that you're wrong, sir.
I will amount to something.
Not me.
I'll be like you said.
Get them out of here.
"Screw him!"
- What did you say? - Screw him!
Maybe I oughta stuff that laugh down your throat.
- What? - Bue, we're in enough trouble.
I ain't having no Indian making fun of my wife.
She ain't even your wife.
- You want to do something about it? - That's mighty great,
seeing as both my hands is tied up in chains.
Hey, hey!
- Hey, get off him! - Take the keys!
Get the keys! The keys!
- Get the keys! - In the van!
Get in the van!
Whoa!
Keys! Keys!
Bue, here! Here!
Come on, bue! Get them, bue!
- Come on, come on! - I'm coming!
I'm tied up, man!
Billy, Cactus Pie!
Cactus Pie!
Bue!
- Bue! - Cactus Pie!
- Cactus Pie?! - Yeah!
Dear little Loozy,
I'm writing a letter to you in my mind,
which I will memorize
until I find some paper to write it down on.
I've written many such letters in the past,
which are filed away in my mind,
to be summoned up word for word,
written down on paper, and mailed
to the appropriate person, at the appropriate time.
It's called a photographic memory,
and to this point it's failed me completely.
But this letter I'll remember
because it's the most important one.
It'll explain your origins on this planet earth.
- Who I was when we first met,
and how everything came to be.
Hey!
Can you fix a tire? I'll give you a ride.
Where ya headed?
You sure you got room?
One hand washes the other, pal.
This one opens the trunk.
- Hey! - Don't let nothing fall out of there.
I'm deducting 10 miles for everything out of place.
Here ya go!
- Bye-bye! - Hey!
It's a story about fate, dear one.
How no one can outrun it.
Like The Dog once said, "you can change your ground,
but you can't change your sky."
Though I hadn't met The Dog yet, he was right.
'Cause that night the ground was moving fast beneath me,
but the sky was standing still.
I also shared a dream with Buford that night,
like I had on occasion over the many years
we shared a jail cell.
I knew it was his dream because the woman in it was Tess,
like he always talked about her...
Naked.
Hey!
Hey, call the police! Call the ambulance!
- Get out! - I'm outta here! I'm not insured.
- Call somebody! - Forget it!
Oh shit! Hey!
Oh Lordie, this is bad!
Hey, little guy. I'm Billy.
Let's get you out of here, huh?
Oh!
You're gonna be all right, ma'am.
We're gonna get you outta here.
Believe me, I know it looks bad, but it's gonna...
It's gonna get just a little bit worse.
Would you wait here, please?
Bye, ma'am.
Buford would later say my ass was a lethal weapon.
I mooned a family and...
Moments later, they were dead.
Jesus, kid!
I soon learned that my ass wasn't the only lethal weapon.
Oh, that's nasty.
Don't you shit in my Megadeth.
One of the things about that night was
it wasn't the first night I've been shit out of luck,
hungry, cold, wet, and alone.
Now, now,
it's all right.
It's just Wile E. Coyote.
It was the first such night I didn't feel lonely.
Beep beep!
You ever see them cartoons?
Yes! Yeah!
Another thing about fate, dear one,
the people who change it,
seem to appear by accident.
That's how we met Shauna-Louise.
Loozy for short.
A name you'll have reason to remember
for the rest of your life.
- You open? - Just barely.
You got food?
I wouldn't advise the burgers,
our refrigeration broke down
- except for the cold drink case. - That's real pretty.
Our pie's all right.
That sounds good.
So what about kangaroo?
Kangaroo?
In your pouch?
Oh!
Pie, I guess.
No?
- I would think milk. - Make it two.
Do you want it warmed?
Yeah, that would be good. Pie and warm milk, guy?
Sit anywhere you like.
Come on, catch it.
Come on, you can catch... yeah.
Here it comes. Almost.
He's going to be a baseball player.
- If he ever learns to catch. - Is that right?
Got to grow up big and strong, though.
Oh!
You normally use utensils with that baby?
It's never too early to learn manners, I say.
Why don't you try using your fingers?
Babies that age like to suck.
All right.
I'll tell you what, when I woke up this morning,
I had no idea this would be the result of my day.
Yeah, my friend just had one.
Says they can suck so hard they make your insides curl up.
- Say, who's baby is this? - This baby?
- Mine. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - Where's the mother?
Oh, that's...
That's a whole other problem.
What, she took off?
In the end there,
I actually think she did.
Well, that's too bad.
That baby needs a breast.
A bottle, anyways.
He's not gonna get enough milk like that.
Come here, here you go.
Here you go. Come on guy.
You can do it.
Oh no, I wouldn't do that.
Here. Come on.
Hey, hey.
- You are hopeless. - I agree.
Any idea where I can get one of them bottles?
There's an all-night market in Henderson.
- I got no car. - You've got no car?
Or money. Sorry.
You walk around in the middle of the night
with a baby tucked into your pants,
you got no food for it, no money, no mother,
no bottle, no car?!
You are one sorry-ass mess!
I would have to agree.
Shh, come on.
He likes me to hold him.
- God knows why. - Hey.
- All right, what's your name? - Billy Raedeen.
Well, you listen to me, Billy Raedeen.
I don't let any man in my car I don't know,
except for the sake of this baby.
- If you turn out to be bad guy... - now...
How could I be a bad guy, huh?
- Exactly. - That's what I'm thinking.
Babies can't be that stupid.
Dog once told me the journey of 1000 miles
begins with a single step.
He was right again.
'Cause all I'd intended was to find Buford that day,
but by nightfall...
My entire world was changing.
Big!
Yup. It belonged to the guy
who knocked her up, may he rot in hell.
He's a rodeo cowboy.
Is she up this hour?
She works at clubs, she doesn't get home till now.
- It's me. - It's open.
- Hey, Loozy! - I'll take another.
Hit me. Hit me!
Verne was here.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, in his usual cheerful mood.
- He kicked Jack. - And then, what,
- do I go face up? - No, not unless he splits.
- Oh. - I'm teaching her to deal.
Uh-huh, something to fall back on.
What did he say?
That I don't kick high enough.
Can you believe that little faggot?
- He's laying the groundwork to fire me. - No, I mean Verne.
- Was he angry? - Verne, angry?
Well, hi there.
This is Billy Rayburn.
Estelle, Stormy,
Dog Havasu.
- Raedeen. - Hi.
- Hey. - Hi.
His baby needs some milk.
The mother took off. They've been on the road all night.
It's gone. I tossed it.
The formula?
The pampers, the bottles,
the formula. All of it.
Why?
Why not?
I don't know, maybe someone could use it.
I'm supposed to know you're dragging in a guy with a baby
in the middle of the night?
What am I, a mind-reader?
- I got to go. - You toss it in the garbage?
- It's gone. - Shit!
It does look kind of pale, Estelle.
What do you want from me?
- What's it's name? - Billy.
You must give it a name that means something.
- I'll try to think of one. - How about "thirsty one"?
No, how about those?
- Get out of here. - You threw away the bottles.
- Forget it. - The lips are puckering.
I'd pay for some, ma'am.
- I really would. - This is so fucked!
Come on, Estelle. What's the big deal?
I'm not a milk cow for fuck's sake.
I'm taking...
I'm taking medicine to dry up.
It's not working.
- I'd be much obliged. - Why don't you shut up?
Who the hell invited you here anyway?
Why don't you just shut up and get out!
Yes, ma'am.
And give me the goddamn baby.
Yes, ma'am. Here.
Now get out.
I said, get out. All of you.
I'll stay.
- I'm sorry. - Forget it.
Yeah.
Well, good luck with your baby.
- Good night. - Right.
Thanks.
The, uh...
The old guy. He's... he's her...?
Mine.
He's my old guy.
And the fella who drove in?
You know, when you live this close to people,
you mind your own business.
Which reminds me, I got to find a place.
For the night, anyway.
Well, no one's come to claim that one yet.
They found a couple dead in it.
Looks like a dream house to me.
We all got our dreams.
Yeah? You?
- Oh, yeah. - What?
I want to help Dog build a tepee out of bottle caps.
We spend our weekends collecting them.
No kiddin'? That... that's great.
I'll keep an eye out. As much beer as I drink,
you could build the empire state building.
What happened to her baby? Estelle?
She gave it away.
Why?
What's she got to give a baby?
Cactus Pie!
- Bue, is that you?! - Hang on.
- Yeah? - Bue?
Hey, Billy boy!
You made it!
- Across the Nevada line. - All right!
- I got a baby, Buford. - Hey, good going!
Where did you score it?
- I don't know what to do with it. - Is it a good one?
- What do you mean? - What do you think, man?
Ransom.
Oh, no, no, no. Not this one, bue.
- Why not? - It's got no folks.
There's got to be someone who wants it.
You didn't. I didn't.
Why, is it ugly?
No, it's not ugly at all, Buford.
Well, there you are. That's a start.
We'll make something out of it.
- Where are you? - Henderson trailer park.
Henderson, that's out by Tess.
Check your bus schedule, boy.
- I'm on my way! - All right.
Hey, I got us a place though.
Two people died in it.
Bue?
Stupid dog!
I'm sick of this shit!
Don't you ever push me!
If you would just go get it, all right?!
Louise, get up. I'm not going to hurt you.
They will make love now.
Jesus.
Your son. The thirsty one.
- He was in an accident? - Why?
She opened his pants to clean him,
- and found the injury. - What injury?
- The bruise. - Well, how bad?
- His penis came off. - What?
Either that, or he never had one.
I don't know what your story is, mister,
but your son is a daughter.
- What? - Your boy is a girl.
- It's a girl? - Not a doubt in my mind.
No wonder he couldn't catch.
And so, sweet thirsty thing,
I told strangers that night how you came into my life.
And that I was a wanted man,
all by way of asking advice.
The woman, Estelle,
suggested I take you to a hospital
and run away real quick,
or leave you on the steps of the church in the desert, nearby.
And the man called Dog,
who was a trained satellite dish installer,
and dreamed of making the world's first tepee out of bottle caps,
said he'd consult with his spiritual advisors.
But I was thinking Buford was right.
Everybody's got to have somebody who wants them.
And I determined to help you find your own kin.
Bus 64, final destination, Palm Springs.
It'll be ready for boarding in 15 minutes.
Hey.
- Hey, bue. - Hey.
How you been? Got any money?
- What did you do? - My asshole's itching so bad,
I'm ready to take Brillo to it.
- You going to see a doctor about that? - I just need some chapstick.
Hey, look! Look at that. It's them.
- Name and everything. - You got any money?
- Ma'am, you got any chapstick? - Uh, sure.
The car crash I pulled the baby from,
- but the weird thing is... - We got cherry,
- mint, strawberry... - I don't give a damn.
You will when it's on your lips.
- Not on these lips. - Car crash I pulled the baby from?
Look at that, it's them right there.
Name and everything. There you go.
The weird thing is, it says, "entire family,"
but they don't mention the baby.
Even the neighbors say, "they were a lovely couple
with a loving, beautiful six-year-old daughter."
A six-year-old daughter.
Huh?!
You used a whole one?
Hold it between my cheeks.
Feels better?
Strawberry.
No one's looking for this child.
It's like this baby don't exist.
- What baby? - Oh, shit!
No, no, miss!
Oh, god. Thank you!
- This your baby? - Yeah, yeah, sorry.
- Sorry my ass! - Well, I had to...
What in the hell is wrong with you?
Drugged out? You dumb-shit motherfucker.
Leave a little baby on a bus bench like that.
You ought to get what you deserve,
and have it stolen away from you.
You interested? We're selling it.
Probably are, assholes.
Hey, make us an offer.
- We're not selling it. - The hell we're not.
No, I've got names here. We're going to find the relatives.
Yeah, we ain't giving it to them free.
- Whose baby is this? - It ain't yours.
- Did I not spring you from jail?
Oh yeah, some spring.
Have I not taken care of you your whole life?
We're partners.
50-50.
It's half yours and half mine.
Fine.
You can have the half that shits.
It turns out your uncle Buford
arrived just in time, little one.
'Cause when you're flat out of money,
he has a special way of shopping.
Somebody stop those guys!
Whew! Whew!
Hey, we're calling the police!
Hey, bue, it's ringin'.
Here, take this.
Is this the Santana residence?
Are you the family of the folks
who had that terrible accident on the interstate?
You are?
I got some good news for you, ma'am.
- Tell them you'll kill it. - I saved the little one.
- That is the good news. - And the bad news is, he'll kill it.
No, I know that, ma'am. I'm talking about the baby.
And he'll wring its scrawny little neck,
if you don't put $100,000 in an envelope...
Hello? Hello?
Man, they hung up.
She don't want the baby.
Maybe it's a bad one.
- Like Damien. - No, no, no.
- Something's wrong here. - No, shit there's something wrong.
This thing just puked like a slush gun on me.
Hey, what did I tell you? Were it green?
- It's red. - Red?!
- Oh, Jesus. - Watch out.
There it goes again.
Oh, man! Look!
Hey, hey.
- Yeah, that's a French fry. - French fry?
Yeah, the red part is ketchup.
You gave this baby French fries and ketchup?
They're no damn good without ketchup.
You made her sick. You made her damn sick.
She was reaching for it. I was just helping it out.
Baby?!
Baby! She's choking!
- What do I do?! - Call 911!
There's a clinic!
- Down the alley and to the right! - Oh, my god!
Shit, 911!
Could you watch our stuff?
- There, a sign! - This don't look good for us, Billy boy.
- Going into a clinic... - No shit, Buford!
You're a wanted man! Just throw it in!
Somebody help, please! My baby's not breathing!
Down the hall!
- Help! - Oh lord!
Get the hell out of there, Billy!
- Okay, what happened? - Um...
Any recent illnesses?
Shots? Any indication of allergy?
- Speak to me! - Uh...
Had a fall of any kind?
- Ingest anything? - Huh?
- Swallow anything? - It was trying to bring something up.
- It? - Her, she!
- Can I do something? - Yeah, get security.
- Hal! - Come over here.
Keep her mouth open. Come over here.
Hold her mouth open. Little fingers.
Now, close your mouth around it so you don't drool.
- Straight down. - Do you need me?
Stand by. Straight down. Straight down.
Okay, here we go.
I know, I know.
Yes.
I know. You did great.
You're fine.
You're going to be fine.
What's your name?
Billy.
Any ideas?
- Tonsils? - It's pepperoni!
Another minute and she would have been dead.
You know what I would have written
on the death certificate as the cause?
- Pizza? - Don't be messing with me, mister.
Neglect...
It falls under the same category as child abuse,
and I would be within my rights
- to file charges right now. - Jesus.
- Here you go. - So...
I want some answers, Billy.
They better be truthful,
because we have the right to repeat these same questions
with you hooked up to a lie detector.
- Where's the mom? - Of the...
Right. Well, she...
- Took off. - Took off?
- Mm-hmm. - And she didn't want the baby?
It was kind of a messy situation in the end there,
and finally I felt
I had to pull the baby out.
- She allowed that? - Well, no.
She was actually quite
crushed at the time.
Very broken up.
Very.
And this is the god's truth.
I'll give these same answers on a lie detector test anytime.
- Excuse me, doctor? - No, thanks, Hal.
Thanks, Hal.
My name is Bennet.
I teach a class for first-time parents
here at the hospital on Wednesday afternoons.
This is your first, I assume.
- You could tell? - I'm going to need some information.
Okay, how old?
26.
Oh, her.
She's just a baby.
- What, six, seven months? - Exactly.
When's her birth date?
Guess.
- June? - Unbelievable.
- Well, it's my field. - Guess the date.
- Why? - It's your field.
- 30th? - Now that is unbelievable.
You're good. Wow.
What do you think of that, huh?
June 30th.
You like that?
- Thank you. - You were very lucky.
And what is her name?
- Shauna. - Nice.
- Shauna what? - Shauna-Louise...
Raedeen.
Shauna-Louise Raedeen.
Sounds good.
Okay, I'm going to need to get a picture.
No, face me, please.
All right, good.
This will start a file.
I want to see you here at noon on Wednesday for the first class.
You need to fill that out. I need your name, address, phone number,
- then sign at the bottom. - Where? Where do I?
Where it says father.
Father.
Dad.
Now here's a note, dear one,
on the importance of papers,
signed at the bottom, neat as you can.
Billy...
No, William. Sounds better.
Anything worthwhile in this life requires them.
William Raedeen.
Sir?
Oh.
- How is she? - Much better now.
- What was it, croup? - Pepperoni.
Do you happen to know when father's day is?
- Uh-uh. - I don't want her to miss it.
Take care of her.
From now on, we order straight cheese.
Thanks.
You're in deep shit, boy.
You know what this baby could get you?
Her name is Shauna-Louise, Buford.
Her birthday's June 30th.
Kidnapping across state lines.
Add that to post office burglary, you know what you'd get?
Buford, they gave me papers on her.
Say I'm the father.
Yeah, well I say get rid of her
before they hang your ass.
But I couldn't part with you, little one.
And thus, we became part of a new family.
Strangers really.
Some stranger than others.
In particular a fella named Laverne Gacey.
He drank a lot and made his living
renting out houseboats bought for him by his rich mama in Reno.
I sensed from the beginning he didn't like us much.
But we did our best to get along.
I'd be an eagle
and shit on all of you.
I'd be a lion,
take no shit from nobody.
I'd be a dolphin
cause they're kind and gentle.
And slimy.
I'd live in outer space.
Just float around and...
Float around.
No one would bother me.
No police.
- No bills to pay. - What about oxygen?
- I wouldn't need none. - What about black holes?
Yeah, right,
black holes.
Speaking of which, can I use that chapstick?
- Yeah, but I want it back. - Oh, you'll get it back.
What about you? What would you be?
Just me, I guess.
Things feel pretty good to me right now.
No money, no job, no place to live.
I guess what you dream of is being a loser.
What about thirsty one?
What are her dreams?
To be a movie star.
No. I think she just dreams
of staying right where she is.
I believe you're right.
Wake up here on her first birthday, June 30th.
Her second, the same date.
Her third, her 16th.
If she wakes up in your arms on her 16th birthday,
you're going right to jail, mister.
She belongs to me, you know.
Hospital papers say I'm her father.
She don't belong to you, you dumb-ass.
And if she did, it'd be one sorry life.
I'll drink to that.
- Well, excuse me. - A child deserves better.
What's he got to give a child?
You ever think of that? Let's start with money.
For clothes, and toys,
and schools, and books, and babysitters.
And doctors, and bikes,
and piano lessons, and braces on her teeth,
and camp in the summer, and coats in the winter,
and a uniform for marching band.
Them cost $60 each.
Not to mention college.
And besides the money, it takes devotion.
- Now that I got. - You don't got shit.
Or a pot to piss in.
Yeah? Well, he's got a heart.
And a hard on for you.
You know what? That's uncalled-for.
Really? What am I, blind?
"Help me. Help me." I'm in the dark, here.
I can't see!
You think I'm really fooled
by this gitchy-gitchy goo shit?
"I want to wake up in your arms."
This motherfucker comes on my boat,
- and I got to watch this shit go down?! - Chapstick.
My eucalyptus stings.
Is something funny? Is something funny?!
Who, me?
- Who am I talking to? - Slow down, Verne.
- Nah. - Slow down!
Breathe deep. Look at the sky.
No, you look at the fucking sky!
This piss-ant comes on my boat,
makes a pass at my woman and laughs at me.
- Did I miss something? - No, you're just in time.
Stand up, toad.
- Stand the fuck up! - Which toad you talking to?
You want a piece of me, too? I'll take you both on.
Yeah? Come on, yeah.
Hey, wait a second. Wait a second, mister!
- Hey! Whoa! - Motherfucker!
- You want to go?! - Hey, look, look.
Whoa, wait, look.
We're not... we're not interested
in taking anybody on.
You come on my boat, fuck with my woman...
fuck with your woman?
Did you say something about fucking my woman?!
If I could get off your boat right now, I would.
- I can't swim, all right? - Yeah, he can't swim.
Your boy can't swim, huh?
Maybe it's about time you fucking learned.
- Verne! - Oh my god!
- Stop him! - Open the door!
Verne!
Open the door!
Jesus Christ! Verne!
- What the... - Shut up!
- Give me that baby! - Shut up!
What do you think you're doing?!
- Give me... - a man gets in over his head.
- No! - Got to learn how to swim!
No! Somebody help!
- Get the baby! - Billy!
That a boy, Billy! You're getting the hang of it!
Loozy, it's a horse race and you're winning!
- Hold on, baby! - Let's go!
Whoo! Son of a bitch!
You evil piece of shit!
Get the baby!
Breathing! Is she breathing?!
- I don't know. - Get this thing off her!
Oh, shit!
- It's Jack! - You fuck!
- You fucker! - Fuck!
Now, is this a party or what?!
Yeah!
You fucker!
Jesus Christ!
It's a curse on us.
Let's leave it on some church steps somewhere,
and get the hell out of here.
She's got the same name as you.
You know that?
Shauna-Louise.
Little Loozy.
What do you see in him?
Don't name her that.
Don't name her anything. She's not yours to name.
Estelle is right. Your buddy's right.
Take her somewhere, and get your meddling ass out of here.
Billy!
- Billy, hey! - What is it?
Come on! Come quick!
It's on right after the commercial!
- What's going on?! - Stormy, come on!
Hurry up!
Everybody!
- Quick. - What is it?
I think this is your baby they're talking about.
And they're looking for some shady lawyer.
- What lawyer? - What's going on?
- What are you talking about? - I wrote it down.
Adoption scam.
"Local couple duped in adoption swindle."
There's a lawyer who took cash
for some baby that's disappeared.
These is bank words, boy!
Cash! Adoption! Somebody wanting our baby!
And wanting it bad.
- Hey, look. - Last thing we knew
it was on its way from Albuquerque.
Being driven by a courier.
And when it didn't arrive, we called the lawyer
and found out his phone had been disconnected.
- And you'd given him money? - It's not the money, it's the baby.
I mean, my wife is...
My wife has been so eager, you know?
- And that's why we didn't... - This guy looks familiar.
- Hey, shh! - Did this lawyer seem legitimate to you?
Yes, he sent us these adoption papers
with a space here to write our names in,
that's signed by the Attorney General of the state.
I was going to put it in this frame.
- How did this lawyer... - Pinkney Pontiac, am I right?
Pink slip Pinkney.
Yeah, he works the clubs.
He finds somebody losing big at the tables,
makes a quick cash deal for the pink slip on their car.
Pays them, you know,
half of what it's worth,
then he finds somebody winning big
sells them the car,
fast as he bought it, for twice what he paid.
Whoohoo! That's a good scam!
It's wrong, you ask me.
How many times you been arrested?
Not for taking advantage of losers.
That's the beauty part. Couple of losers about to take advantage of him.
Forget it. I don't like him.
- Oh, he don't like him. - He's a big dummy.
He's a big, rich dummy who wants what we got.
This is a human being we're talking about here.
I understand that, Billy, but if we got to give it back.
- Who says we got to, huh?! - The state says!
The Attorney General!
He's got the adoption papers!
Pinky pink slipney.
- He owns the damn thing! - Yeah, but I named her, damn it!
And I decided her birthday!
...she's been with the detectives all day.
Look in the yard!
Is that a swing set I see?
That's why I did it, Billy.
The social worker made me see
it'd be selfish not to give it the best life possible.
He's a big dummy.
- The kid'll survive that. - Amen.
- What will you pray for? - What would I pray for?
That this child is alive and well.
And somehow finds its way home.
And sir, what would you pray for?
I just pray that I can find a way
to take some of my wife's sadness away.
Oh lord, Normie.
Your prayers have been answered.
Now remember, $25,000, not a penny less.
You tell him you want it in one lump sum
or you're delivering that baby in installments.
You'll chop it up!
And look crazy.
- Your teeth... - Is that him?
- Yeah, that's him. - Looks dumber than he did on TV.
You want me to do it? 'Cause I'll do it.
I got to see if he's fit.
$25,000, not a penny less,
- or you'll chop it up. - Chop it up.
Now look mean. Teeth!
Jesus Christ!
Looks like you could use a car, son.
- Pinkney? - Yes, I am.
I got a honey here for you. Mint condition.
Owned by some oil sheik who got unlucky at the tables.
Had to swap it for quick cash.
What I did to him, you can do to me.
Want the Vaseline? Here, I'll bend over.
- I got the baby. - You want this baby?
- Sold! It's yours! - The baby you adopted. I got it.
- Say what? - I got the baby!
I see.
- You want more money? - $25,000.
Uh-huh.
You give that boss of yours a message from me.
Fool me once, shame on you,
fool me twice, shame on me.
See, this is a used car lot.
Those security cameras are taking nice,
close-up pictures of you right now.
That truck you come out of?
I'm sure we got the license plate on film,
which easily gives us an address
and telephone number.
I'll bet we got the face of that idiot sticking out of there.
- 10,000 would be fine. - Be fine with me, too.
'Cause that's what I paid.
And I want it back. Cash.
One lump sum and we call this thing even.
I tear up those photos and you go on free.
- You don't want the baby? - Never did.
My wife did.
But for the same money, I'd as soon have an Evinrude.
I saw a honey of a 200-horse.
Inboard...
This is a honey of a baby. It's cute,
it's in great condition, it's not fat...
- does it shit in its pants? - Yeah, but...
Evinrude don't,
- and you don't got to send it to college. - Listen, I'll chop it up.
I'll kill it.
That's just silly, isn't it, boy?
Teeth blew it?
I don't know about that, just silly, that's all.
You listen to me, son.
You got 48 hours, you understand?
Now you tell that shyster lawyer,
motherfucking boss of yours
to put that money in your hand,
and you put it in mine,
or I'll have your face plastered on every front page
of every newspaper, every post office wall,
police station and telephone pole from here to Chickeesaw.
Where exactly is Chickeesaw?
You know where the sun goes down?
That solid black line it sinks behind?
- Mm-hmm. - That's Chickeesaw.
- 10,000, huh? - And we're even.
I'll even throw in the adoption papers.
- You will? - Shit yeah.
- And the frame. - The frame?
Whoohoo! Sorry.
Asshole!
How did it go?
- Come on, man, how did it go? - I don't know.
He go for the 25?
- He said 10. - He'll pay 10?
He wants 10.
He wants 10?
That's what he paid. He wants it back.
He don't want that baby, Buford. He never did.
He wants an evinrude.
Fuck him! Did you tell him you'd kill it?
- I did. - What did he say?
That he got our faces and license plates
on his security camera, and he'll give us 48 hours
to get the cash or he's calling the police.
So what do you think?
I don't think the meeting went very well.
I don't think the meeting went very well at all!
That baby just done us again!
- I want to buy it. - Huh?
I want to buy the baby.
Have you lost your fucking mind?!
We've got 48 hours to disappear!
- No one wants this baby. - Including me.
- So you won't help me? - No way!
What if I make it worth your while, huh?
We steal $50,000. You keep all of it but 10.
We hold up a jewelry store, rob a bank...
For a million, you keep it all but 10.
You'd do a job like that?
I know I never agreed to before,
but I never had a reason that made it feel right.
That judge was wrong.
You raised me up good to know right from wrong.
And I know this is right.
From the moment I laid eyes on that baby,
I knew it was meant to be mine.
And you know who's going to be the first one
to get a picture of her high school graduation, huh?
- Me. - That judge.
That judge who said I'd never amount to anything,
he gets the first one.
Make the second one mine.
Candles,
carburetors.
Hey, how about casino?
Casino? No way.
They're just waiting for rubes like you.
That's what she said about banks.
How about dog groomers?
- What are you looking for? - Places to rob.
I got to come up with $10,000, fast.
Oh, well, I know an easy 20.
Look under the p's. Peerless pawn.
Eew, what's this hair
doing on my good moisturizer?
This really rich guy lost a bundle
at tables last night,
and parked his wife's jewels at a pawn shop.
And the night manager there just happens
- to be a friend of mine. - Yeah, so?
So, he is willing to be held up
at gunpoint for $1,000 in advance,
and half of what you get for fencing the goods.
- Good scam. - Yeah.
- But you got to use a gun
and shoot a hole in the wall.
Hurry it up,
'cause I ain't the only one who knows.
Tell him we're in.
Wait, where do we get the 1,000?
Can you advance us?
Oh, let me see.
You know what?
That would be a big fat fucking no way.
Hey, wait a minute.
I could get it.
Tess still owes me for the plumbing.
That house wouldn't have a pipe in it, if it weren't for me.
- Tess ain't going to give you... - she better, damn it.
Or I'll... I'll rip the pipes out
and the toilet along with it!
Then where would she be, huh?!
Her and her fancy fella.
Shitting in the desert.
Buford, we don't got a thousand,
- and we don't got a gun. - It's just as well.
'Cause you two would fuck it up, anyway.
Are you encouraging these lunatics?
Hey, she's got a gun.
Well, actually, it belongs to Verne.
But he doesn't seem to be here right now, does he?
Let's go.
Well?
You tell the night watchman you got your boys.
We'll...
We'll get you the cash... tomorrow.
We're in.
Good luck to you.
I'll get that money.
Or I'll rip out that damn toilet
and the septic tank along with it!
Shauna-Louise?
- You all right? - Can you go away, please?
I got to ask you something.
Come to the window.
How many outfits you think a little girl needs?
I was thinking two... One for school,
and one just to get dirty in...
- Three. - Three?
- What's the third? - Church.
Oh, right.
I guess you should do that if you have a child.
- Would you? - I don't know.
I'm leaving soon...
With the baby.
I wondered if you'd like to come along?
I mean, I'd take care of it.
You wouldn't...
You wouldn't have to be the mother or anything.
I'm sure you want children of your own.
I don't know.
If anybody hit my daughter...
I'd kill him.
If anybody touched my daughter, I'd kill him.
Why do you let him?
Do you see that cactus over there?
The big one?
I envy it.
Not needing to be touched.
I want you to come with me.
Go to church on Sundays.
Set a good example.
I do.
- Buford? - Hmm?
- Buford! - What?
Look, it's right there in the window.
Man, look at that guitar.
- I want that guitar. - Forget the guitar,
- you can't play the guitar. - I could if I had that guitar.
Hey, you think that's him?
I'll find out. Hey, hey, buddy?!
Hey, we're planning to rob this place
- are you the guy we talked to? - Jesus, Buford!
If ain't him, he's just gonna say no.
- What did he say? - I...
Sorry, my friend here's been drinking a bit.
- We're Stormy's friends. - And?
And we're on our way to get the 1000.
Shut the fuck up, man!
- I don't know what you're talking about. - See, he ain't the guy.
Don't be seen talking to me. Who said you could come talk to me?
- Somebody could hear you out here. - Right, right.
Is that the way to the interstate?!
- Is it that way?! - Get the fuck out of here!
All right, we're cool, man!
- All right! - Jesus, Buford!
If we pull this off, I hope you take your money and go very far away.
Oh, we'll pull it off.
Hey, I've raised you this far.
We're going all the way!
♪ Where did I go wrong?
♪ You know I've never had a clue ♪
♪ I must have just been born no good ♪
♪ Bad's the best that I can do... ♪
Buford, wake up!
Is this it?
♪ 'Cause it's just my fate in life ♪
♪ To end up here this way ♪
♪ Lost and all alone...
Okay.
All right.
Can I ask you a question?
With or without the hat?
Hat.
♪ The only place I ever stayed ♪
♪ There's a face
♪ out in the crowd that looks like trouble. ♪
Esther Dill!
You send these?
Yeah, I sent them.
How do I arrange to never see you again?
Pay me for the plumbing.
And you'll never come back?
Not if you begged me.
That's a thousand!
- What's the extra? - For the next lifetime.
We had our fun though, didn't we, Tess?
No.
She just...
Did you get it?
Whoo!
Bue?
I think she hates me.
That's all I can conclude.
That was a bad day for Buford, little one.
I remember, it was a Saturday.
Because Sunday was the worst day of my life.
♪ ...the beautiful, beautiful river ♪
♪ Crawls from the throne of god. ♪
Sir? Sir?
Excuse me?
- Can I ask you a question? - Jesus Christ, man.
What are you doing? The whole point of passing the thing
was so people wouldn't see us talking to each other.
Oh, right!
Shit.
Now you'll have to wear masks.
Will you do that, please?
So if you get caught, nobody can say,
- "he knew the guy." - We won't get caught, sir.
So far, you've been fucking up pretty good.
That guitar in the window.
Could I have it?
Well, you'll have the gun, right?
- Yeah. - Well?!
Oh, right! Right.
Gimme that guitar!
- Bue, let's go. - Man...
He's grumpy.
- Oh dear god. - What?
Oh no, not now.
Who is that?
Fucking asshole!
- Who was that?! - The ghost of Christmas past.
He's headed... you know where he's headed.
- Let's go! - Hurry up!
Am I stupid?
- How you doing? - Okay.
She have the baby, yet?
Can't you tell?
Is it a boy or girl?
Which would you rather?
It don't really matter.
It's a girl.
Say, is she... Look like her mother?
No, she looks a lot like her dad.
- She's a cute kid. - Thank you.
Hi, Estelle.
Jesus Christ.
You look beautiful.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Especially for a girl who's just had a baby.
Two months ago.
It came early.
I wish you'd had a phone.
I'd like to have called.
I left plenty of messages for you
till your number got changed.
I'm sorry.
My wife, well,
when she heard your last message saying
- you wouldn't terminate... - Yeah, I kind of thought
I might hear back from you after that.
She left me after that.
We're not together anymore.
- Is that right? - I've been thinking a lot
about you and the baby.
How hard it must be for you,
being alone.
And I came here to tell you,
I think a child deserves two parents, don't you?
I haven't always acted like it,
but I've always liked children.
I mean, wanted a child.
Oh lord, I know this is coming out badly.
Sonny, listen to me.
I didn't think you were ever coming back.
I'm so sorry.
Listen to me.
When a person
gives away a child in this state,
they have 60 days to reconsider.
Estelle, you won't want to reconsider.
This child will have the best home
any child ever had.
I've got pictures of my home in Lake Tahoe.
And Evaline...
Is the most loving woman
you will ever meet.
It wasn't easy for me to tell her about the baby.
But when I did, and about how hard it must be for you
working in a casino at night,
it brought tears to her eyes.
I've already started a college fund.
I've got papers.
I could leave them with you,
or you could sign them right now.
I'm really prepared to take her at anytime.
Hey, hey!
Sonny came back for his baby.
He started a college fund.
Okay, Estelle, just take it easy.
Maybe I oughta just take hold of my little girl.
- What's going on here? - That is not your baby.
You dumb son of a bitch.
- Your baby's gone. - What are you talking about?
- This is mine! - Like hell it is.
- It will be! - He's paying $10,000.
- Over my dead body! - Hey, this is not your baby!
Why don't you go back to where you came from.
Loozy, you mind your own business.
Let the little man fight his own battle.
At least I don't fight women like you.
You got her papers, right? From the hospital?
Yeah, right here.
Look.
Father. That's me.
And that's her heel print.
They got a Polaroid picture on file.
Your baby was adopted, Sonny.
I gave it away.
To who?
Probably some dirt farmer
who'll be fucking her by the time she's 10.
Shut your mouth.
It wasn't a girl, Sonny.
It was a boy.
Did it take after me?
It did seem to fill its diapers, as I recall.
My fiancée will be very disappointed.
Very.
You could use that.
Good luck.
Have you got something to settle with me, boy?
- Yeah, I do. - What?
You touch her one more time, I'm calling the cops.
That's interesting, considering you're a wanted man.
And I know how you got that baby.
- What if I call the cops? - You just try it.
- Shut up. - I'll call them right now!
- Just forget it, Billy. - I will call them now!
- You will? - Yes!
Well, let me give you a reason!
Take her away!
- Hey! - You guys want to save her?!
Come on outside. Come on outside!
Please!
Let her go!
You don't understand, Billy, it makes her so hot.
Doesn't it?! Does it make you hot?
You try to stop me, she'll kill you!
- Would you shoot him? - You take her!
- Don't do it! He'll kill you! - Leave her alone!
Verne!
Let me do it!
Verne!
Get out of the way!
- Loozy?! - What are you doing?
I'm teaching him a lesson.
He's done nothing but mess with me,
since the day he came!
Verne, I'll kill him myself! Get out of the way!
Stand away!
If you don't, I'll get both of you!
Loozy?!
Loozy! Loozy!
Let me in, honey! Loozy!
Almighty god.
I don't know where else to look for her.
I even went down to the boat
and they were getting real edgy.
Verne was supposed to take out a day cruise at 3:00.
And they called his mama in Reno to see if he was there.
She got all upset. She's afraid someone kidnapped him.
Who'd want him?
Oh my god.
I think we're all going to have to get out of here.
I've been wondering if all this happened
'cause I gave my baby away.
And I been wondering,
if that kid
thinks he can do it,
why can't I?
Oh, man.
- Shouldn't we say something? - Say something?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- I'd just like to say, - mmm.
As his soul leaves this earth,
I feel sorry for whoever gets it.
Amen.
Jesus!
Now, I don't advise a life of crime, little one,
but we had the gun now, a pair of masks
from Stormy's underwear drawer,
and with Buford in charge,
I was prepared to do whatever it took
to make you mine.
We're getting there.
I can't see for shit.
You oughta push that up.
- She wear these? - Somebody did.
Smells like a man.
We're here.
All right, let's go.
Look!
Shit!
- There's people in there. - They're taking the jewels.
- We're too late. - No, no.
We're just in time, I'd say.
What about the people?
Just say, "get your hands up."
What if they won't?
- "Hands up, or else." - Should I wait here?
No, why don't you take in a movie
and just drop by when you feel like it?
- Of course, you should wait here! - I thought maybe the alley,
beside the building. There's a side door.
Fine! Whatever!
Let's go!
Who's going first?
- You go first. - You got the gun!
- You go first. - Shit!
Will you quite littering?!
- Nobody move! - Hands up!
- Or else! - Or else!
- What the fuck?! - I thought they were you.
He's got a gun!
Bue! Bue, your ear!
- What?! - It's off!
- I don't need it! - But...
Drop them jewels!
Not the window!
Get that motherfucker!
Get the jewels!
Oh baby!
Oh sweetie!
And I want my thousand back!
Whew!
Bue, don't shoot him! He lost his gun!
What?! I'll get him!
What the fuck?!
Motherfucker!
Bue!
No!
Don't move!
I got my guitar.
I love you, man.
I love you, too.
Go.
Get out of here.
They say the journey of 1000 miles
begins with a single step.
What they don't tell you is
it ends that way as well.
Mr. Pinkney?
No, no, I know the time is up, sir,
but if I could, if I could...
No, I'm sure it's a very good photo
you have of me, but...
No, I know you're not kidding.
Mr. Pinkney...
I love this baby.
Yes, sir.
Till tomorrow at 5:00.
I never thought much about tomorrows, little one.
But that night, I wasn't much looking forward to dawn.
I was an escaped prisoner with a kidnapped baby.
Loozy was gone, and so was Buford.
But that's the thing about tomorrows...
You never know what they'll bring.
Billy! Billy!
Quick!
"A struggling musician, pawning his beloved guitar,
was confronted by two jewel thieves,
now dead, because they underestimated
the courage of this quiet man."
Where do they get this shit?
He can't even play the guitar.
It's Huntoon, that pawn shop guy.
He figured if Buford had to stand trial for burglary,
he'd spill everything he ever knew.
- I won't believe he'd tell. - He has risen from the dead.
If he speaks, he speaks in the voice of a shaman.
If he has fingered Loozy,
I will rip his damn vocal cords out.
Dr. Peterson to radiology.
Sorry, no babies.
And just one at a time, please.
Hey, bue.
Did we get the jewels, Billy?
Uh-uh.
I'm taking the baby on the run, Buford,
that's why I need you to be quiet about everything.
Don't tell about me and the baby,
or the robbery,
or Verne, or Loozy.
You'll wreck it for all of us.
Is Tess here yet?
I never new a woman...
Did you, Billy?
Who always had 'em.
Had what, Buford?
Hard nipples.
She here yet?
Tess.
Well, what did he say?
Hi, how's she doing?
- Good. - Is this your family?
Uh, yeah.
- This is my sister. - Hello.
- Hi. - This is my other sister.
- Oh, hi. - And this is my uncle Dog.
Hi.
I'm impressed that you all came. It's what a baby needs.
"It takes a village," as they say.
- Uh-huh. - You know what?
It's a little early, but we can start heading over there now.
Dawn breaks on a special day,
the day your new baby arrives.
A precious bundle awaited with eager anticipation
by the entire family.
It's not just mom's job now,
it's dad's as well. Brothers and sisters, too.
For family stability is the key
to raising a happy, healthy child.
Dad, you promised us you'd get ice cream.
I did, didn't I?
In short, parenting requires
the talents of a juggler and the patience of a Saint.
Remember, your child didn't choose you,
you chose it.
And it's your sacred responsibility now
to give it the most nurturing home
that any parent could provide.
That guy...
The father of your baby?
He seemed nice.
He said he already had a college fund put away,
and that his wife would be real disappointed.
I guess they really wanted a baby.
You said so yourself. What have I got to give a baby, huh?
You said so yourself. Love was enough.
With the police after me? No money,
no home, no job, no future.
My face on every paper from here to Chickeesaw.
- A child is not a tumbleweed. - He had his baby.
- He didn't want it. - He wanted it.
A seedling needs rich soil.
What the fuck are you talking about?
The thirsty one is still thirsty.
Don't do this to me.
I'm on the run, Estelle.
Not anymore, you're not.
Billy Rae in here?
- Billy Raedeen? - Who?
No. Uh-uh.
Do you know him?
No, sure don't.
If you see him, tell him to call this number.
Oh, okay.
We found the girl who killed Verne Gacey,
right where his note said we would.
She confessed to the crime
and led us to the body.
Which makes the conviction just a formality.
Likely he's gonna get the $10,000 the family posted as a reward.
Whole lot easier this way.
Well, good day to you.
Turns out it was Loozy herself who sent the note
supposedly signed by me,
identifying herself as the killer.
And Loozy herself who called Verne's rich mama in Reno,
advising a $10,000 reward would bring quick results.
What exactly possessed her to give up everything for you,
I'll never know.
What she told me was,
they had a great library in that prison,
and she'd always dreamed of having nothing to do but read.
- Did you pay Pinkney, yet? - I did.
Did you get the papers?
And he got his evinrude.
They say if I'm a good girl,
I can get out of here in seven years.
Which means I got to start reading fast.
I mean, the National Geographics alone...
Will take me...
Thank you, Loozy.
I promise you,
there's nothing I won't do to make sure
she gets every chance at a good life.
Everything I can.
I know that.
That's my sacred obligation now.
No matter what I suffer, that's what I gotta do.
See you, Billy.
Hey.
I'll never be far.
And I never was far.
Not from her, not you.
That was part of the deal,
and why I did what I did.
So I could be your uncle Billy
and stay close...
Always keep an eye on you.
Now I'll never forget you.
Because there was someone who could provide for you,
someone who wanted a child.
And even your aunt Estelle agreed that Sonny
wasn't such a bad guy after all.
He promised on the phone to marry Evaline,
the woman he was living with,
which I insisted on before I'd let you move in there.
And she didn't seem to object none either.
He said he'd buy you all three outfits...
One for church, one to go to school,
and one just to get dirty.
He said you'd have your own room,
a brother or sister when the time was right,
and most important, you'd keep your own name.
- What was her birthday again? - Oh, June 30th.
- June 30th. - Little Shauna-Louise.
You look like an Amy to me.
Do you like that name, Amy?
I'll tell you, little one,
in my lifetime before you,
it always felt right to do the wrong thing.
This felt so wrong, I knew it must be right.
Bye, little Loozy.
And that's why I left you there.
'Cause they had what I didn't...
A house, a college fund,
a real family.
I knew you'd be better off there.
Wait a second...
Like Estelle said, little one,
you got 60 days to reconsider an adoption in this state.
And I only used up 60 seconds of it.
I knew they had the house, the family,
and the college fund,
but we're as much a family as they were.
And we could start our own college fund.
Still, the truest test is the test of time.
And in the time that's passed, many things have changed.
Among them, your uncle Buford, who did recover.
But in a way like Dog predicted...
Like a holy man.
Having been put in touch with a monastery in Napa, California,
he went there to serve the brothers.
But when I heard this was known as wine country,
I wondered if he'd changed that much after all.
Your aunt Estelle tried, but failed,
to get her baby back...
The 60 days being up.
But she did find out it was in good hands,
having been adopted by a newly married
air conditioner repair man.
They're always in demand.
I lost touch with Stormy,
but got a postcard indicating
she was still kicking high enough.
And one from Dog, letting me know
he'd achieved his dream.
Speaking of dreams, I've still got a few.
And so does Loozy.
'Cause it seems like seven years is going by pretty fast.
We talk about when she gets out
maybe getting together.
Who knows,
we might make a nice family for you some day.
'Cause we're none of us cactuses, little one.
We all need to be touched.
Sincerely yours forever,
love always...
Dad.
PS. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Isn't she something?
♪ Junior was drivin' all night and day ♪
♪ Had a gnawin' in his gut wouldn't go away ♪
♪ Broke a cold sweat from his head to his feet ♪
♪ He knew he had to find something good to eat ♪
♪ Through the fog and the mist he saw the sign ♪
♪ Of a rundown bar on the county line ♪
♪ Slid the car to the door and ran inside ♪
♪ Now the crowd looked up, he began to cry ♪
♪ I want a pig knuckle and a PBR ♪
♪ Junior yelled out across the bar ♪
♪ I'll give a gold wristwatch and my Cadillac car ♪
♪ For a pig knuckle and a PBR ♪
♪ The bartender looked up and down the bar ♪
♪ He was searching in vain for the pickle jar ♪
♪ Sweat was beadin' on his lip ♪
♪ When he whispered to junior, "boy, get a grip" ♪
♪ Junior looked at him...